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My husband is a handsome, generous, loving chap. And I love him dearly. But I am keeping a secret from him and I wonder; should I spill the beans, or keep schtum? Surely a wife should never keep secrets from her husband. And yet, what if I am doing it to protect him? Does that make it okay?
Here’s my dilemma; perhaps you can help?
My husband is a Scotsman and although he grew up in England he’s proud of his roots. He dons his Scotland shirt for all rugby matches, suddenly pronounces his “t’s” with much vigour after a pint or two and smiles indulgently when I tell friends that, just like a stick of rock, he has “made in Inverness” written all the way through him.
But if there’s any one issue that gets him going, anything that stirs his ancient ire, it’s the subject of…porridge. Please do not suggest to him that Ready Brek is like porridge. Pleeeeeease do not suggest that it should be made with oatmeal or, even worse, have (oh good heaven) sugar or honey added! That would be more than he can bear. If it’s not Real Porridge, it’s just not porridge to my Monty.
He is extremely proud of his porridge-making skills (secret recipe, but it’s basically large oats, milk, water and salt with a little cream to adorn it) and treasures his spurtle, given to him by his mother. And I have to hand it to him, he makes a truly mean (awesome) bowl of porridge.
So why do I need your help? Well, yesterday was the World Porridge Making Championships in Carrbridge, Inverness-shire. And, according to BBC news, it was won by an American. Now my Monty likes Americans and America very much indeed. But can he cope with the knowledge that the best porridge-maker in the world and holder of the coveted “Golden Spurtle” is one Matthew Cox from Milwaukie? I’m really not sure. Could an American cope if Mrs Ada Lovelace of Egham in Surrey won the World’s Best Meatloaf award in Barstow, California?